Introduction to Red Flags/recurring Episodes...A child's Perspective

Having a tough day? Grumpy, irritable , but not exactly sure about what or why? The uncertainty of the day, a pop quiz you had no pop for, back on the bullies' radar, long lonely lunches...spent alone.. Wishing you were sitting with them... or with her...but like last year, and the year before .. they barely know you exist? Getting teased, getting taunted, dreading the bus ride home? Gotta don your game face... a blank emotionless unaffected stare...off to somewhere...another place, another town, another time..anywhere..just to keep from having to feel being here..the bus ride starts..you take your seat up front and prepare... You know its coming....The chants of "40-love" begin from the back.. that mocking high pitched effeminate voice..the projectiles soon follow....duck down, take cover, hide if you can, only thing that softens the blows... gobs of gum and chew start flying. incoming.. air raid...air raid...getting pelted..gross.. Fuckers..they're laughing at me...turning red.. Getting scared angry embarrassed..Dad told me to punch em, they'll stop..what if they don't? they're bigger..Fuck.. I can't wait to be a grown up so I never have to come back here again..ever..I hate this place..I hate these people...More giant gobs land in hair..gross..enough..stand up..no..yes..no..shit..enough.stand to yell... Knock it...Splat! .giant gob hits right in the face..."Sit down tennis fag...40-Love..." ..they're laughing at me..even my friends...Kathy's laughing too...wanna cry..can't cry...duck..three more stops..screw it..getting off here..ahhhhh...safe....more gobs...shit...."30-love"...Fuck!!! fuckers!!!

Gotta run.. gonna be late..again..fucking books...you can do it..run run run...home is in sight..there's Mom..shit, I'm gonna be late for my lesson again..keep running..."Where the hell have you been?....we're going to be late again...you think money grows on trees? We have to pay for your lesson whether you show or not, how many times do I have to tell you this?" Reach the steps..keep my head down.."What happened to you? Did you get in a fight? Come here, what is that in your hair? Holy Jesus, its gum and what is this other stuff?" rush past, grab gear..."lets go Mom".."I asked you a question..what happened at school today?" "Nothing Mom, lets go" Mom ain't buying it today "This is third time this week..whats going on John?" ..."I don't want to talk about it Mom..let's go" Get in the car, 10 minute drive to the club..nothing a song or two can't kill...headphones on...in the clear...Mom asks again.."What happened today?"... pretend not to hear... tap toes to the music, don't look over....YOW!!!... WHAT???!!! That hurt!!! as Mom rips headphones and several lochs of gummy hair with off my scalp..."ANSWER MY GOD DAMN QUESTION!!! WHAT IN THE WORLD IS GOING ON AT SCHOOL????"....this isn't going well...pause..wanna cry..wanna complain, but then I have to explain...she wants to help..silence..awkward....gotta say something..."WELL, IM JUST GOING TO PULL OVER HERE TIL YOU TELL ME..NO TENNIS TIL YOU TELL ME WHAT IS GOING ON AT SCHOOL..ARE YOU BEING BULLIED AGAIN???!!!"....getting angry..gotta say something..shit..."What part of nothing and i don't want to talk about it you having a hard time with ??!!"..."Dont you ever speak to your mother like that again...where do you learn such manners???".."From Dad, that's what he says..start the car...I want to go to the club" .."NO..NOT UNTIL YOU TELL ME WHAT HAPPENED.." ..."leave me alone Mom..here I'll just run there..Bye..pick me up at 6"...

and for now we will leave the next lines and roles for you to fill in privately in however your family deals with your child's inability to communicate what may be happening to them in their childhood lives...

A POSSIBLE SCENARIO

We fast forward to that evenings family dinner of mother father and John

"pass the butter Johnie"

"I got an A on my math test"

"Honey, did we get the statement from the bank I'm waiting on?"

"The refinance one or the car loan one?"

"Both"

"Dad, can I go to the school dance Friday?'

"We'll talk about it.....We need the refinance one quickly or we're not going to be able to afford the car one"

"I'll call tomorrow and check"

"You said you were going to do that today...what happened?"

"Dad, I kinda need to know tonight..there's this girl... I like her.. I want to ask her... but I can't wait til the last second"

"It slipped my mind...I had a lot going on today...I promise first thing in the morning.."

"Please honey, the bank is difficult enough...I don't need you making it...."

"Dad?"

"any harder"

"You don't have to talk to me like a child..Its my house and car also..I don't want..."

"Dad, someone else is gonna ask her if..."

"don't interrupt your mother when she is speaking"

"I'll go down there in person tomorrow...How was your day otherwise?"

"Mom, can you sign my field trip permission slip..its due tomorrow?"

"it was fine..we got that project I've wanted all these..."

"Mom???"

"Later John..your father and I are talking, can't you see that?"

"But I wont be able .."

"That's great honey...you've been working for that project for months now...knuckles"

"knuckles..did you win your ladies league match this morning?"

"Dad, those kids on the bus were giving me a hard time again.."

"John, you can't wait for your mother to respond??? "

"Yeah, we won but it was that ugly lob fest tennis"

"I thought your coach told you not to play like that anymore?"

"Dad, can you help me with my science homework tonight?"

"Ask your older brother John when he gets home "

"But I have a big test tomorrow"

"I know our coach did, but he also said it's important to compete and win anyway possible now"

"We're spending a lot of money on lessons for you to learn to lob?"

"Dad, I'm behind in science..I'm gonna fail if I don't do well tomorrow.."

"Not just on lobbing..we work on strategy and placement and positioning and lots of things"

"Then how does every match turn in to a lobfest?'

"We don't start it"

"I'm not feeling well, can I go to my room?"

"Does that matter..don't you work on overheads too?"

"Mom, can I go to my room..I'm not feeling well"

"Of course we do...that doesn't mean we're ready to hit them in a match yet"

"Dad???"

"That doesn't make a lot of sense...I'll ask him tomorrow when I see him for my group workout

"Mom?????"

"I'ld rather you not interfere with my development honey..."

"Mom??? Dad?????"

I'm still just learning..as are you"

"Mom!!! Dad!!!"

"WHAT JOHN? WHAT DO YOU WANT????!!!!"

"Ummm...I uhh....I hit my backhand really good today"

Momdad..."Really John?!!! Tell us all about it...who did you play today? did you win.? That's great news..the draw for Anaheim comes out Wednesday...I'm getting pumped already"

To all the Moms and Dads out there...as we disclosed earlier in part one of our red flags / recurring episodes introduction.. We intimates are not mind readers, but we are world class mood readers..

Moods are indicative of brewing emotional discord within... Strong enough that an external change in ones disposition is noticeable.. A hung head or look of sullenness is not grounds for concern.. It's when those moods start manifesting in to behaviors that are counter productive to one's asserted goals in life that one must take notice

Children are evolving beings in many ways.. Emotional intelligence and clear to the point communication skills are traits that evolve much later in one's maturation process.

In our red flags/ recurring episodes section, we identify numerous behaviors in your developing junior tennis player that we feel are important for you to address immediately for your child to have any hope of long term success in our sport, and more importantly, as they transition out of tennis and in to mainstream adult life.. Please read this list closely.. If the situations described look and sound familiar, our mission at the Jr. tennis development company is to help guide you through the discovery process of what may be the catalysts of said behaviors and keep your child's dreams of tennis success on track and attainable

Thank you and a special thanks to my many students over the years who confided and shared with me their respective stories of personal distress in their development and maturation processes...

Namaste...